|
Good to be back. I’ve been out of my usual routine for the past couple of weeks, travelling through the US, and during that trip I co-hosted a dinner event in Chicago with 35 executives and entrepreneurs. What came out of that evening was one of the most honest conversations I’ve had in a room full of high-achievers, and I wanted to share a snippet of it with you here. We spoke about five lies. Not the obvious ones. The ones that look like virtues, sound like discipline, and get praised by everyone around you. Here they are: Lie 1: The Harder I Push, The More I Achieve I know this one personally. In my mid-twenties, I spent three years producing slides in a London high-rise, working hard, really hard, but the treadmill was running at full speed indoors and going nowhere. The discipline that everyone around me was praising was the very thing keeping me stuck on it. We’ve been sold the idea that more input equals more output, but there are actually two kinds of discipline. Action says push harder. Alignment asks what you’re actually trying to achieve. Without alignment, action becomes habit dressed up as purpose, and growth isn’t linear no matter how much we treat it like it is. Discipline without direction isn’t strength. It’s an anaesthetic that numbs you. Before you add more effort, it’s worth asking whether your effort is pointed at something real. Aligned action, even less of it, will take you further than a year of misdirected hustle. Reflection: Where are you currently pushing the hardest and not achieving what you actually want? Lie 2: I Track Everything. I Know Where I Stand I had a client who wore an Oura ring and checked her HRV every morning. Her data said she was good, but she felt off. She had an event coming up, didn’t want to go, overrode the feeling and went anyway. Her metrics tanked. We’ve confused self-awareness with self-surveillance, and there’s a meaningful difference between tracking data and actually knowing yourself. When we over-rely on metrics, we override our own intelligence, and data without the right context or without trusting your gut can lull you into false confidence or worry you for nothing. Data is a starting point. It is never the answer. The real work is data, the right interpretation, and trusting your gut. All three, not one at the expense of the other two. Reflection: What is one thing your gut has been telling you that you’ve been using data, logic, or busyness to drown out? Lie 3: Pressure Is What Makes Me Sharp I remember sitting with my daughter, body in the room, mind completely elsewhere, unable to turn it off. My nervous system had simply forgotten how to stop. Another moment I return to: I won a contract, came home feeling good, and within an hour had picked a fight with my wife. Gay Hendricks calls this the Upper Limit Problem. When things get too good, the unconscious creates chaos to bring it back down to where it feels familiar. We each have an internal thermostat for wellbeing, and most high-achievers have theirs set far too low. “I need pressure. I do my best work last minute.” We wear this like a badge, but what it actually means is: I need a cortisol spike to feel alive. That’s dependency, not performance. Your next level requires raising your thermostat. Learning to tolerate peace is the real inner work. The best athletes don’t walk in running on adrenaline. They prepare their state before they perform, regulate, arrive present, and then go. The same applies to you. Reflection: Where are you not giving yourself the space to release pressure and what is it costing you? Lie 4: I Need More Energy Almost nobody I work with has an energy production problem. What they have is an energy drainage problem, and there’s a crucial difference. We chase the next supplement, the next protocol, the next thing to add, but the body usually isn’t failing to generate energy. The problem is everything quietly draining it: the relationships we’re tolerating, the roles we’ve outgrown, the whisky we think is helping us sleep. Desmond Tutu said it well: “We are only the light bulbs. Our job is to remain screwed in.” You are not the generator. You are the lightbulb, and the energy is available, but you have to stay connected to the source. You are not running empty. You are running unplugged. The answer usually isn’t to add more. It’s to stop tolerating something. Reflection: What is one thing you’re currently carrying, a habit, a relationship, a role, that is draining you and you already know it? Lie 5: I’ll Become That Person Once I Get There When I was building Thriving Scholar in the early days, I started to notice something uncomfortable: the people I was attracting were mirroring my own uncertainty back to me. I was seeing myself as small, and the world was obliging. The honest conversation I had to have with myself wasn’t about strategy or tactics or a better offer. It was about identity, about how I saw myself as a leader, as an entrepreneur, coach and writer. We wait for the external result to grant us permission to become the person, but it works the other way around. The world reflects to you who you deeply believe you are. We don’t attract what we want. We attract who we are. If we keep being the same person we were ten years ago, ten years from now nothing will have changed. The external transformation you’re waiting for can’t happen until the internal one does. In order for things to change outside, you have to change the way you see yourself, not after the win, but before it. Reflection: The honest conversation I’ve been avoiding with myself is ______. These five lies are subtle. They wear the clothes of ambition, awareness, and drive. But underneath each one is a version of you that’s working harder, tracking more, running faster, and still wondering why something feels off. The truth isn’t always comfortable. But it’s the only thing that actually moves you forward. Which lie resonates most with you? Jaineel P.S Here are 4 ways I can support your journey: 1) Join our next Connected Leadership Experience on Thursday 21st May 5pm-6:30pm BST – A light touch intimate online circle where you uncover of your truth with other growth minded professionals. Only 8 space available. Details and application here. 2) 📓 Journal with Jaineel 7 Day Experience for Free – 7 days, 10 minutes a day. One prompt. Start your journaling here. 3) 🧘 Download my free guided meditation – 20 minutes to calibrate your energy and shift your state. Remember: you don’t attract what you want, you attract who you are. Download the free meditation here. 4) 📞 Let’s talk – If you’re ready to do this work 1:1 or in a group setting, book a call with me here. |
