|
Have you ever been enjoying a moment of success, or bring present with your family, when a thought comes in forcing you back into worry or panic? Or you close a deal at work and then come home and pick a fight with your partner? Or you string together a great week of eating well and training consistently, and by Sunday evening you have undone all of it, almost as if your body needed to return to what it knows? It’s as if your mind feels bad about having a certain level of success, peace, joy or love, and wants to return to what’s familiar: stress, worry and anxiety. This is self-sabotage. Why does this happen? Self-sabotage is the mind’s attempt to return you to a familiar baseline of safety. As your life begins to expand beyond what feels normal, it interprets that expansion as risk and, without conscious intent, pulls you back towards what it knows to be comfortable. Our brain is wired to keep us safe. Your nervous system is used to a set level of wellbeing (or stress and worry). Think of it as a thermostat of wellbeing. If a thermostat is set to 16 degrees and heat pours into the room and climbs to 24 degrees, the temperature does not stay there, the system switches on the cooling and brings the room back to its setting. This is what happens when I notice myself playing and having fun with my daughter, and all of a sudden a thought pops in bringing me back to worry. Psychologist Gay Hendricks calls this the Upper Limit Problem, our tendency to sabotage ourselves when we exceed the level of success, love or ease we are used to, and because familiarity feels safer than freedom, even good news can register as a threat. How do we deal with it then? The practice is not to eliminate these thoughts but to notice them. Self-sabotage does not dissolve through force, it softens through awareness. When I recognise that I am doing this, I slow down, pause, and feel what is happening in my body. I allow the thought to pass without feeding it, breathe, and consciously reconnect with the presence or connection that was already there. Each time you consciously allow yourself to feel joy, love and peace rather than pull back from it, you teach your nervous system that this level of aliveness is safe. Over time, what once felt unfamiliar begins to feel natural. In his book The Big Leap, Hendricks offers a simple mantra he uses when he notices this pattern, one I have also found helpful: ‘I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same.’ In order to receive more love, success, money, aligned people and so on in your life, you first have to get to a point where you allow it in. And this starts with tuning your thermostat of wellbeing higher. Knowing it’s ok to feel at peace and to chill. You don’t have to be worrying all the time, trying to figure it out all the time, or stressing about something all the time. I write about this in Chapter 4 of my upcoming book, Lead From Within. You can download the first chapter for free here. Reflection: Where in your life are you pulling back from something good, and what would it feel like to let yourself stay in it a little longer? Jaineel P.S. here are some next steps if you… 📖 My debut book, Lead From Within: 9 Shifts to Unlock Your True Self and Step Into Authentic Leadership, is launching early November. Download the introduction and chapter one for free when you join the waitlist here. 🧭 Take the Lead From Within Quiz today to find your alignment assessment, and see where you’re doing well and what may need work, with specific tips to support you. 🧘 Want to start your day as the conscious creator rather than the reactor? Download my free 20-minute guided visualisation to calibrate your energy each morning. 📅 Considering coaching, a workshop or speaker for your next event? Let’s connect. Book a call here. Enjoyed this newsletter? Send it to a friend or colleague. Sign up here for more. |
