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“Jaineel, you’re being too ambitious.” She said it directly, looking at me directly in the eyes without flinching. I felt deflated, shocked, and, if I’m honest, more than a little annoyed. These words came from my line manager after I answered the question “Where do you see yourself in three years?” during a formal review of my role. This was my first corporate role in management consulting. As an ambitious 25-year-old, I came out of that meeting triggered, annoyed, and carrying a serious F*** you energy. I felt she didn’t have my back. That she had no interest in where I wanted to go. You’ve probably had moments like this in your life. Someone you respect tells you your business idea won’t work. Someone you’re dating says you’re too difficult and will never survive in a relationship. Someone tells you that you’re too much, right after you authentically expressed yourself. These moments hurt, they trigger us, and we wonder what is wrong with people. But I want to remind you of something: these moments are necessary. Contrast births desire. When we experience a moment like this, something gets evoked in us. A desire, a new direction, a seed of a whole new possibility. We need these moments of contrast, of darkness, of pain because they clarify what don’t want. In that exact moment, something new begins to take shape inside us, we can get very clear on what we do want. Your line manager telling you that you’re too ambitious is just contrast. Your investor saying the idea isn’t viable is just contrast. The relationship that ended in rejection is just contrast. None of it is the final word on who you are or what’s possible for you. That meeting helped me get clear that I wasn’t in the right company, the kind of company I wanted to work for, the people I wanted to be around. Three things worth remembering when contrast hits: 1. People are only sharing their world view, not the truth. What my manager said to me was her own beliefs, and I was the one who chose the meaning I placed on it. In that moment, I made it mean that no one had my back in the corporate world, and over time that belief helped me make the decision to exit that world entirely. Be conscious of which beliefs you adopt from others, because your reality will always match them. 2. You choose your response. Back then, I fought her comment and gave it far more energy than it ever deserved. Over time, I’ve learned the importance of slowing down my mind and responding consciously rather than reacting from the wound. Her words were the stimulus, and my reaction was always my responsibility. 3. You choose where to place your attention. The more you dwell on what was said or what happened, the more energy you pour into what you don’t want. Shifting your focus toward what you do want, toward the desire that the contrast revealed, is where the real movement begins. In hindsight, she did me a favour. I’m genuinely grateful for her. That moment taught me that I couldn’t hand the direction of my career to anyone else. It showed me I was more ambitious than the people around me at the time, and that it was time to find new circles. And it taught me exactly the kind of leader I wanted to be for others. More importantly, the desire that was evoked in me was enormous. The desire to build something of my own, to live true to my values, and to go after what I actually believed was possible for me. Here’s my invitation to you. Whatever comments you’ve received, whatever failures you’ve walked through, whatever moments have knocked you sideways, adopt an attitude of gratitude for all of it. These moments are there for a reason, and the more open you become to seeing the learning in each one, the less energy you waste resisting them. Shift your attention toward what you do want. That’s where the next chapter begins. Reflection question: What moment of contrast in your life, one you’ve been resisting, might actually be pointing you toward a deeper desire? Jaineel P.s. here are a few ways I can support your journey: 1) Join our next Elite Leadership Experience Circle on Wednesday 14th May 5pm GMT – Be in a powerful space (to slow down!) and uncover your blind spots with other growth minded professionals. Details and application here. 3) 🧘 Download my free guided meditation – 20 minutes to calibrate your energy and shift your state. Remember: you don’t attract what you want, you attract who you are. Download the free meditation here. 4) 📞 Let’s talk – If you’re ready to do this work 1:1 or in a group setting, book a call with me here. Know anyone who could benefit from this newsletter – forward it on! |
