|
“This better be worth it” was the thinking I had in my mind this week.
The last two weeks I’ve had my head down finalising the manuscript for my upcoming book, Lead From Within.
Over the last few years, and particularly the last three, I have poured everything into this book.
Early mornings as I was working full time. Half days in the week over the last few months. Eight years of coaching conversations, working with over 500 people who have unlocked their true self and stepped into authentic leadership, all distilled down into 9 shifts.
Making what can be complex topics simple and easy to understand. Rewrites upon rewrites. Hiring editors. Pitching to literary agents, without success. Moments of doubt about whether any of it would land the way I hoped.
As I sent off the manuscript to the self-publishing team for the line edit on Friday afternoon, I found myself reflecting on all the work that has gone in. And if I am honest, part of me started hoping.
Hoping it lands well. Hoping it opens doors. Hoping it brings the business opportunities I have imagined for years.
Then I caught myself.
I was innocently attaching my joy and my sense of success to the outcome of this book. The very thing I warn against in the final chapter I was writing.
So I had to remind myself of the ninth and final shift in the book. Detach joy from the outcome. If I don’t, I stay mentally trapped.
In the case of the book, that means detaching my sense of success, my sense of self-worth, from how it performs once it’s out in the world.
I go deeper on this in the book, but here is what happens when we detach our sense of joy and self-worth from external outcomes.
- We play a bigger game. When our worth is no longer riding on the result, the fear of failure doesn’t hold us back as much. There’s nothing to lose. We ask boldly, take risks we would previously have avoided, and act without being weighed down by what a loss would mean about us.
- We become more resilient. When we do fail, whatever we perceive failure to be, we do not take it so personally. It becomes part of the game rather than a verdict on who we are, and we recover faster. The pressure of needing to constantly achieve is what makes the game unsustainable. Detachment is what makes it last.
- We have more fun. When every result determines how we feel about ourselves, setbacks feel heavy and victories never last. When we separate our worth from the game, the experience becomes lighter and the game becomes genuinely enjoyable again.
- We become more creative. When the pressure of needing to succeed lifts, our mind opens. We begin pursuing ideas that feel alive rather than ideas that feel safe, and this is where our most original thinking lives.
- We perform better. Shawn Achor’s research at Harvard, detailed in The Happiness Advantage, found that the formula most high achievers operate by is backwards. We believe we work hard, succeed, and then feel happy. His research shows happiness fuels success, not the other way around.
So now, as I finish this book, I am leaning into detaching from trying to control the outcome and allowing life to do its thing, as I continue to be joyful and remember I am already living my dream.
Reflection question:
Where in your life are you still needing the outcome to feel joyful?
Jaineel
- NEW! 🧠 Get Out of Your Own Head — 90 minutes. One 1:1 session. A bespoke report. Walk away with a concrete plan you can act on immediately. No ongoing commitment. Limited to 8 sessions per month.
- Join our next Connected Leadership Experience — a light touch intimate online circle where you uncover your truth with other growth minded professionals.
- 📓 Journal with Jaineel 7 Day Experience for Free — 7 days, 10 minutes a day. One prompt.
- 🧘 Download my free guided meditation — 20 minutes to calibrate your energy and shift your state. Remember: you don’t attract what you want, you attract who you are.
- 📞 Let’s talk — if you’re ready to do this work 1:1 or in a group setting, book a call with me.
|
