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Many relationships, both personal and professional, break down for the same reason: mismatch of expectations. Professionally, it might look like this: you assumed your co-founder would handle the investor update without being asked, and when the deck lands a day late before the board call, you’re both frustrated, one of you for a boundary you never voiced, the other for being blindsided by a standard they never agreed to. Personally, it’s your partner assuming you’ll notice when they’re stretched thin and step in, while you’re waiting for them to simply ask, and neither of you says a word until the resentment has already taken root. We’ve all been there. It feels energy draining, icky and difficult. One distinction that changed how I create relationships came from author and coach Steve Chandler. I write create deliberately, because every relationship is a creation. Most of us default to creating them unconsciously. When we use this distinction, they become a conscious one instead. Agreements versus expectations. An expectation lives entirely in your own head, something you want from someone without ever really discussing it with them. An agreement is the opposite. It moves out of your head and into the world, spoken, written, known by both people. It could be an email. A shared document. A conversation over dinner. What makes it real is that both people have actually said yes to it. On Mondays, I do the dishes while you bath the kids. At the end of every week, I’ll send you a summary of where things stand. I lead the launch, you lead the renewal. There’s no ambiguity in any of that, when both people agreed to it. When an agreement breaks, you point at the agreement, not at each other. That’s what changes when you build agreements instead of carrying expectations. When someone doesn’t follow through, it’s far less likely to get personal. Instead of pointing fingers at each other, the way you would with an unspoken expectation, you point at the agreement itself. That gives both people room to take ownership of their word, rather than defend their character. So, where in your life could you carry a few less expectations, and build a few more agreements? p.s here’s how I can support you on next steps:
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