The Secret to Deep and
Sustainable Transformation

Have you ever reflected on where you get your story and image about yourself? For instance, the way you see and describe yourself? Isn’t it daunting to realise that who you think you are may just be a combination of stories you were told and the experiences you’ve had versus a consciously created version of you?

Perhaps it’s an echo of what your parents believed about you, or it’s shaped by societal pressures, past failures, or comments made in passing. This story and image governs our entire lives. So deep-seated and unconscious, how can we rise above such narratives?

In today’s newsletter I focus on:

My experience

Here’s an example of where I started to notice the power of my own self-image: I remember when I was a young management consultant in my early 20s about to speak to a client on a call. I noticed how differently I performed on two different project calls on the same day. On one call, I had a project manager who introduced me as, “Jaineel is one of our best consultants, and we’re glad to have him on this project.” My energy was full of confidence; I had conviction and was less self-conscious – I performed really well.

And then on the next call, another colleague introduced me as “our junior consultant who’s been in the background doing the research.” I was nervous, I wasn’t clear in my speaking, and I did not contribute much on the call.

How others perceived me significantly influenced my behaviour. The way I saw myself and my self-image was just a result of how I perceived others viewing me. Imagine living a life like this? Having our whole experience fluctuate depending on the mood, words, images, and stories of others. Often, it wasn’t even what they explicitly told me, but what I believed they thought about me.

This is the reason why you might find yourself being someone different in different environments. In some environments you feel like you can just be yourself, in others you feel like you can’t and in some, you question who you are!

Here’s something to consider:

The Root To All Transformation

In their book 10x is Easier Than 2x, Dan Sullivan and Ben Hardy talk about exponential transformation from a business perspective. Many of the principles and teachings guide the reader toward transforming internally.

They differentiate the power of context vs content and introduce the concept of psychological flexibility. They write:

This means not overly identifying with your thoughts and emotions. You are the context for your thoughts and emotions, and as you change the context, the content (thoughts and emotions in this case) also shifts.

They argue that when you see yourself as context rather than content, you become more flexible and adaptable, allowing you to make 10x jumps in areas of your life.

Here’s an example from my own life:

I always knew the importance of diet and exercise for my energy. I went to the gym and improved my diet, but I wasn’t making the progress I wanted. Then, I identified as an athlete (this is an example of creating a new context). This shift in perspective gave me psychological flexibility that I didn’t have before. I booked only hotels with gyms, gave up alcohol, started training better, and gave up refined sugar. Despite obstacles like the birth of my daughter and limited sleep, I remained committed because that’s what an athlete would do.

Being an athlete comes first for me, my actions follow and the results flow from there.

The Science Behind It

Science continues to highlight the power of self-perception and its physical manifestation. In his book, The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton reveals the connection between our mind and body. He argues that genes don’t control our biology. Instead, environmental factors, like our beliefs and perceptions, change the expression of our genes without altering the genetic code.

You Can Consciously Create Yourself: You Are a Masterpiece

Imagine sculpting yourself with your mind, like Michelangelo crafting the masterpiece of David. Each of us has a ‘David’ within us. Our mind is the artist. We have the ability to use our imagination to shape our identities.

In my coaching programs, clients craft their most heroic versions within the first three months. They derive this not from external influences but by introspectively understanding who they really are and connecting within themselves to find their inner alignment. As they visualise and connect with this version, they feel free, they feel relieved, they feel powerful and confident from this new found clarity. For once in their life they’ve stopped looking at others and listened to their intuition. After a while, their choices start to align with this heroic version, they let go of limiting stories, they transform their energy and start to manifest all kinds of things in their outer world, from new relationships to new business.

James Allen’s As A Man Thinketh dives into the power of the mind in shaping our identities:

But how realistic is this idea? Can one simply reimagine oneself and transform? The short answer is yes, but with a few caveats. It’s not just about wishful thinking; it’s about deliberate action, cultivating habits, and maintaining your inner alignment.

Where Most People Get Held Back from Shifting Their Identity

A significant barrier to identity transformation is our attachment to the past. We hold onto past failures, regrets, and ultimately, a former way of being that something within us is wanting to transcend. This emotional baggage creates a filter affecting how we view our lives.

Our environment plays a significant role in keeping ourselves stuck in this identity. The way others see you can reinforce how you see yourself. Being surrounded by people who reinforce a habit e.g. drinking alcohol, that you no longer want to do as part of a more authentic version of you, this can be a hindrance to your evolution.

It’s crucial to regularly evaluate and, if necessary, alter your environment to align with your desired identity. This might mean reading new books, joining different online and offline communities, seeking mentorship, joining a new gym or sports club.

In order for this new identity to stick and manifest, what I’ve found to be important in my journey as well as the journey of many of my clients, is constantly sharing who you are with others. Share who you were in the past, share who you are now. This continues to reinforce this more authentic version of you in our own mind but also in the minds of others.

Share this new identity constantly! Even those who have previously seen you as someone completely different. This is where most people are stopped because the majority of people don’t like change, and we may get resistance when sharing this new version.

I’ve had to do this so many times in my life and it’s not comfortable but I’m someone who’s constantly reinventing myself.

The more you focus on who you create yourself to be, consistently be and share this person, it becomes easier and you start noticing how you are being this person, others are starting to see you as this person, and the external environment now sees you as this identity. This is your conscious creation.

Reflection points:

P.S when you’re ready, here are 3 ways I can support you on your journey of personal and professional transformation: