The Importance of Detachment for High Performance

Today, I’m going to share the importance of detachment in your life. Detachment, for me, is the master key to living a life of inner peace and creating powerful external results.

The Illusion of Trade-Off

We often believe there’s a trade-off between inner peace and external success. This misconception stems from the belief that external achievements, like grades and salaries, define our self-worth. I struggled with this for most of my life, feeling driven to impress others to feel worthy. Yet, the truth is, no one cares about our external results as much as we do.

Your attachment to external results is stripping you of the life you could be living.

Seeking Approval

Your brain is wired to seek approval and love from others. It is wired for survival, and back in hunter-gatherer tribes, being accepted as part of the tribe meant survival. In today’s world, this can turn life into a puppet show, where we conform to what we think others want.

The first step in detachment is letting go of this need for approval. Recognise where you seek external validation and start giving yourself the love and acceptance you so deeply desire.

It’s only once you give it to yourself first that you can then detach from needing it from others.

Reflection: Where am I seeking approval that I can give to myself?

Detachment from External Results

When we went to school, we were graded for our work. We were put into classes depending on our academic ability. We were celebrated for getting A*s and sometimes scolded for getting Ds.

I’m not saying celebrating these accolades is wrong. We see celebrations of external success in many sports, especially in events like the Olympics.

The problem arises when you, an athlete of life, directly correlate your sense of self (or “worth”) to these external results. You are infinite energy; there is no such thing as “self-worth” apart from that which is created in the mind.

When we have this attachment of self to the external, even winning a gold medal or achieving £100 million in revenue will never feel good enough. This is why you see so many people who have external success but are internally miserable.

In an interview before the Euro 2024 final in Germany, Former England Manager Gareth Southgate said some wise words. When asked about how the final would define him and his legacy, he answered:

“Whatever happens on Sunday might define me for others, but it won’t define me for myself.”

This is a man who has a high sense of detachment from external results and his internal sense of self. He sees football for what it is: a game. And he has separated his Game of Life from his living—something I have written about before, which you can read here.

Embrace Meaninglessness

We are meaning-making machines. Our mind puts meaning onto everything.

When we fail at something, it turns into “I’m not good enough.” When we hear a “no” to a sales pitch, we make it mean “rejection.”

If this way of being continues, you’d be trapped in your own mind, living deep in your own insecurities.

Remember this truth that has helped me and many of my clients:

Life is empty and meaningless, and the fact that it is, is also empty and meaningless. Nothing has any meaning apart from the meaning we put on it.

For me, this has resulted in two core things:

It’s all us. We create the story. We create meaning.

So we may as well consciously create meaning that serves who we want to become.

Reflection Question:

Where am I seeking approval that I can give to myself?

Our Self-Mastery Workshop Series

Our next workshop will be on Thursday 22nd August 7:30-8:30pm BST on the topic of Taking 100% Ownership. More details will be released soon but for now, block it off your calendar!

Athlete of the Mind – 3 month 1:1 program

I’ve launched a brand new 3 month 1:1 program. There’s only 3 spots. 1 has been taken and so there’s two remaining.

I’ll be sending more detail during the upcoming week but if you’re interested to hear more – email me with “Athlete” and I can send you details.