If There’s One Thing You Do for Your Growth This Year

As I sit down to write my Substack this week, I notice a subtle but piercing sense of shame and guilt.

You may or may not have noticed, I’ve slacked on my consistency of writing my “weekly” newsletters. Over the last 4 weeks, only twice have I sent something out to you.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s no big deal.

You may not have noticed given all the other emails that flood your inbox. If you’re one of my loyal readers who look forward to my email every Sunday morning at 10am, well, you’d have noticed but no doubt you let me off given there must be a valid reason.

A reason there certainly is: being a parent.

Being valid or not is questionable and the purpose of this email today as I contemplate on the philosophical question…is a child a good enough reason to not follow through on your purpose in life?

Before I delve into this, here’s some personal context

June – A Crazy Month

June is always a busy month in the Mistry household. We’ve just come back from a week’s holiday at the end of May. I’m feeling like a spiritual warrior having reflected deeply on some beach celebrating my birthday. I feel limitless.

We celebrate my wife’s birthday mid-June, we had family over from the US to stay with us, and then my daughter’s birthday at the end of – who just turned 3.

So it was an extremely busy few weekends. My writing routine slipped. But this isn’t just about the month of June. It’s been a general trend of my parenting over the last few months.

For those with kids, particularly toddlers, you understand that with any routine you plan, it doesn’t go that way.

Life follows more of a rhythm rather than a routine.

Yet for someone who is fairly disciplined, I have struggled over the last few months:

And the list goes on.

In the short-term – I’m not majorly concerned – I’m getting the highest priority tasks done and, Diya, my daughter is my priority.

The joy we have been experiencing over the last few months is priceless.

We’ve been making incredible memories.

As a father I have been providing. Financially, energetically, my presence is there.

I do the nursery drop offs and pickups.

I am super grateful I get to spend this time with her.

Yet, deep down – there’s a niggling feeling.

A feeling that I’m out of alignment and integrity.

And even as I write this it’s becoming clearer to me what it is:

I’m not working on my dream.

And the excuse?

All in the name of my child.

WOW.

This is a major lack of integrity, because as she gets older, what would my advice be to her?

“Take time daily to work on something that brings you joy.”

“Be relentless with your dreams.”

“Follow your calling.”

And here I am, not being relentless with mine.

As leaders, we all know, people don’t follow what you say, they follow who you are, they follow what you do.

As I have conversations with other parents, and my clients who are mainly men with busy careers and businesses, I know I am not alone in this daily challenge.

Balancing being present with your child with providing, working hard on your purpose and mission in life.

Many times you feel you have to choose between one and the other.

The children themselves are each a start-up, let alone the start up we are building in the working world.

Now, family life and raising a child are all part of my dream. And your core purpose could be in raising a child. But for many of us, particularly the modern man, it’s a balancing act of work and family life.

So, what solutions do I provide here today as I struggle with this myself?

Rather than practical solutions, I offer a way of thinking which I am also working on embodying:

The best thing I can do for the people I lead (whether it be children, nieces, nephews, family and friends, colleagues and beyond) is this: Follow my calling.

When you authentically, and ruthlessly follow what you are deeply being called to do, regardless of societal expectations, of financial worry, of what others around you are doing…the Universe will take care of the rest.

I regularly reflect on this: I want to be the type of father who doesn’t tell his child to follow his/her dream, yet I have not done that myself.

I want to lead by example. I want my life to be an example for them to live their most authentic life.

It’s not about what I say, write about or teach as it is about who I am.

My soul knows this. Yet my logical mind focuses on being able to pay school fees, ensuring I take them on nice holidays and buy them toys. The latter makes no difference if I am not being who I came here to be.

I was trying to find a way to articulate this and the answer came to me on Saturday morning.

As I went for my daily walk this morning, I was listening to a spiritual teacher who I’ve been following a lot recently – David Ghiyam – who teaches the principles of Kabbalah.

Given he’s a successful entrepreneur and a father of 4, and deeply spiritual, I resonate with him. Particularly what I heard him say in a recent podcast episode (which you can listen to here) – I’ll quote below:

Wow. He allowed me to see that what’s more important than passing on properties, businesses, money, even culture to our children is this: your soul and light.

And you can only do that when you are on the path of self-discovery, self-mastery and self-leadership.

I feel like this unlocked the permission I needed. It clarified what my soul already knew to be true yet my mind struggled to comprehend.

The best thing you can do for your child (and family) and those you lead is be authentically you. To work on your purpose every day. To build your dream. To take the calculated risks required. To follow your calling. There will alway be distractions. There will always be excuses disguised as “responsibilities”. There will always be a reason not to.

There is no sacrificing your dream to take care of your children.

Your children are the reason to work on your dream. They are part of it.

They make you more efficient and focused at it.

And so there we have it.

As I have spent the last hour working on my dream writing this, sharing, and giving…I now will walk into my house with an energy of joy, authenticity and importantly, integrity.

I may have spent 1 hour less with her, but for the rest of the day, I’ll be satisfied, present, and fulfilled with no nagging feeling of ‘I should be working right now.”

So, what are you being called to do, right now?

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