How I Managed to Go 12 Months Mostly Stress-Free

Seems like everyone at this time of year says resolutions don’t work. The data shows this is true. However, I see that as an excuse not to make progress on the things we really want to change.

Today, I’m going to share with you what happened after my decision to quit refined sugar throughout 2023 and the fundamental mindset shifts I learned that allowed me to make significant progress.

The problem is that most of us at this time of year want to make some lasting change. We see things we are doing that’s not serving us and we want to give it up or at least reduce it. Or we may want to start something.

You may have tried many times to give up drinking. Give up that type of food you know is ultimately blocking your arteries over time. You’ve already tried to read daily for 365 days and have failed. And you can’t bare another year of trying and failing.

The feelings of shame of not keeping up with your ideal stops you from even trying again. I’m here to tell you that those feelings of shame and failure are the way forward to mastering yourself.

I’ve tried and failed many times to give up sugar. But in December 2022, I decided to set myself an ambitious goal of not eating any refined sugar throughout 2023. Here’s how it went…

How did the year go for me?

The short answer is really well. I only had one major blip in October where I knowingly ate something with refined sugar (more on this later) and a few innocent mistakes along the way. But I would class it as a successful year.

Here are 4 mindset shifts that I learned that enabled me to make progress:

1. Resolution vs Commitment

I don’t believe in new year’s resolutions.

Why?

Because it is a one of decision that is made when we are feeling optimistic at the end of the year, following a holiday period when we haven’t yet hit the reality of our day-to-day lives.

No doubt we are bound to fail.

Countless studies show that New Years Resolutions fail in the first month of each year.

So how did I see my task to be off refined sugar?

I didn’t see it as a resolution but a commitment. More specifically a moment to moment commitment.

Resolution, according to the Oxford dictionary, is defined as: a firm decision to do or not to do something.

Commitment, as defined by the Oxford dictionary, is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc

Commitment is a continued state of being that we choose to be in every moment. A resolution which is a decision we made in the past.

Commitment for me is present, right here, right now.
Resolution was something way in the past that no longer makes sense.

So every time I had the choice in front of me to eat refined sugar or not, it was a choice in that moment whether I choose to be my highest self vs lowest self.

2. Being a Slave vs Mastering Yourself

Ryan Holiday in his book Discipline is Destiny shares a story of how former US president Dwight Eisenhower quit smoking.

Eisenhower, after having beaten the Nazi’s, published his memoirs and made a fortune realised it was time to conquer himself.

In 1949 he went to battle with his 38-year habit of smoking. He quit. Cold Turkey. No one made him but he saw it as a duty to enforce it upon himself.

He knew that the biggest battle he was facing was internal.

We all have habits that we know own us. Many of us have habits that are slowly killing us. And even if they aren’t, why should we take orders from our body cravings or a version of us that is not who we want to be.

What we’re really quitting is dependency. We are letting go of “needing it”.

To be honest, on my journey this year, I thought giving up refined sugar would be more challenging for me.

I was the kind of person a few years ago who had a chocolate everyday. During easter time, I could easily have about 3 Easter eggs a week over the Easter month. I would succumb to these cravings. It made me feel powerless after I indulged.

It had power over me.

But as I started out in the early months of 2023, I realised I actually didn’t need sugar. I wasn’t as dependent on it than I thought I was. All it required was a clear line of what is acceptable and what isn’t.

The ability to consciously choose to not succumb to cravings but make a conscious choice of whether you will or won’t do something is true freedom and self-mastery.

3. Bright Line vs Fuzzy Lines

One of my mentors, Brian Johnson of HEROIC was instrumental in my journey of giving up alcohol. It was when I was listening to one of his videos that something clicked.

He describes that research scientists use the phrase Bright Lines when we are creating good deals with ourselves.

When we are building new habits, we want to have very BRIGHT LINES about what is and what is not acceptable.

For example, I have tried fuzzy lines before. I have said I am only eating refined sugar on the weekends and not during the week.

This was fuzzy. Eventually, when I was stressed and tired, sugar crept during the weekdays.

But when I said to myself I am not eating refined sugar at all. The is no questioning of what is and is not acceptable. It’s a very clear agreement with myself.

The best thing about Bright Lines is not that you’ll never cross them, it’s the fact that you’ll know very clearly when you do. There is no middle ground. And you can correct quickly.

This happened to me.

4. Seriousness vs Fun and Play

The truth is, I probably did have refined sugar without realising. There were times in the year I went to restaurants without asking the waiter for the exact ingredients of every dish.

As I stood in line in Covent Garden for a table in Dishoom, I had glass of Chai that I completely forgot that would have refined sugar.

During Diwali, one of our neighbours made some Chocolate Orange Bharfi (type of Indian Sweet) which I knew had sugar, and I ate it. This was a major blip for me because it’s the only time in the year I knowingly ate something with sugar in it. I crossed my bright line. And knowing this allowed me to get back on track stronger.

Did I fail on my mission? Depends how you see it. The former serious version of me would kick myself. But I decided to make this fun and playful. Light hearted even. Which serves me better.

Deep down, I don’t feel like I “failed”. And that’s all that matters. I acknowledge it wasn’t perfect. But I’m not about perfect. I’m about progress. And the progress here is huge.

Am I out of integrity? i.e. sticking to what I said I would do and when I would do it.

I would only be out of integrity if I didn’t acknowledge my blips and mistakes.

Ultimately, even though I made a public declaration of my year of sugar – which helps for accountability. Deep down the battle is between me and me. No one truly gives a shit if I quit sugar. I did it for me.

Not being so serious allowed me to get back on track quickly and let go of my mistake.

So what’s next for me…and my relationship with sugar?

A question I often get asked is:

Do you feel any different without refined sugar? 

The truth is, I don’t know. Mental performance wise, this is my new baseline and I will truly only be able tell the difference on Jan 1 2024 when I tuck into a box of Guylians.

But I do feel different within myself. For someone who was a chocoholic and who was able to go pretty much 365 days with a daily choice to say no to refined sugar, particularly on the occasions such as last week when my wife was tucking into chocolate Oreo cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory next to me whilst watching TV…I feel so much more powerful in myself. I’m not a slave to cravings.

Another question I get asked is:

Am I going to start eating it again?

In short – yes. Unlike alcohol where I drew the line, I feel like I am ok to allow myself to indulge here and there. But there’s now a major shift.

Before, my cravings for sugar had an element of control over me – or at least I thought it did. It was a way I used to cope during times of stress when I needed a release.

Through this year I’ve realised it doesn’t have power of over me. I’m the boss here. And that feels good.

Reflection Questions:

P.s. When you’re ready, here are 3 ways I can support you on your journey of personal transformation and self-mastery: