5 Mistakes You’re Making That Is Sucking
The Fun Out of It All

Today, I’m going to continue on the topic of how happiness can be your catalyst to results and high performance by sharing 5 mistakes we make when engaging in our game of life and 5 practical tools you can use to keep your inner alignment regardless of the external game.

In last week’s newsletter, I introduced the distinction between living and the game of life. If you haven’t read that post yet, you can do so here.

In a world where content is easily available, it’s so easy to read a newsletter like this on a Sunday and get a temporary feeling of inner peace, but then Monday morning hits and you’re back to reality which you’re trying to escape from.

A newsletter on happiness feels like a nice philosophy but the reality is that it may feel unrealistic.

The problem is that information is everywhere. It’s easy to read a newsletter or a book or listen to a podcast yet nothing changes after. Why?

Because information is information. I am not in the business of sharing only information. I am in the business of transformation.

What I’m sharing today has transferred the lives of more than 200 people that I’ve coached in depth.

My crazy week

My week this week has been fucking chaos.

Here’s me, writing about happiness and results, and my week has been far from “happy”. Here are a few things that’s gone on:

Those are a few things so how did I deal with it?

If I’m honest, I didn’t deal with it as well as I wanted to, I was stressed this week. I found myself in victim mode, resisting what is and I caught myself complaining.

I’m deep into this work and I’m still work in progress. I’ve made the 5 mistakes below multiple times. However, having understood what I share below, I dealt with this week better than I would have a few years ago.

5 Mistakes We Make While Engaging in Our Game of Life

1. We lose perspective and forget it’s a game

The most significant error many of us make when we are playing our “game” is forgetting it’s merely that—a game. We lose perspective.

We find ourselves lost in the reality we see in front of us. For example, a project at work being off track makes us feel stressed or anxious. Or even when they go really well and we hit a sales goal or make a deal happen, we have this momentary high which we think is eternal happiness. Yet, after a few days we go back to our baseline state and wonder why we even bother on the pursuit.

We become so entrenched in it all that we become our emotions rather than the one experiencing them.

2. We seek happiness from our game

We’ve all done this.

Carving an emotional or psychological existence from the temporary joy of achieving goals. It’s like a dog chasing a stick. Once the dog retrieves it, the momentary joy ends until the stick is thrown again. It’s a cycle of short-lived happiness. Enduring happiness stems from one’s experience of “living,” not the game.”

Check out the work of Shawn Achor who’s studied the science behind this – he has a book called The Happiness Advantage.

3. We make the game about ourselves

When we make the game about ourselves, we get in our own way. We attach our sense of worth and value to the outcome of the game. It’s limiting.

When we make it about others or when we engage in something more significant than yourself it provides purpose. When we focus on our family whom we serve, the clients we serve, the receivers of our amazing art, or the community that would benefit from our work, we put our self-centred thoughts aside and a greater energy flows through. We find a greater power flowing through us. We become more resilient, more courageous, and bolder.

4. We forget we are the creators of our game

You chose the game you play and then you find yourself complaining about the game you’re in (e.g. career). You may find yourself becoming a victim to your own circumstances, particularly when things are not smooth sailing. But I had to remind myself this is the game I am choosing to play right now and once upon a time, this was a dream.

Remembering that you are the creator of your game is empowering. It’s your choice to be in the job you’re in or run the business you’re running. Choosing it even when things are tough is your gateway to greater power in the moment.

5. We attach our inner value to our game

George Pransky shares another distinction that’s important here:

Being involved vs being invested.

When one is invested, they’re emotionally entangled with the outcome of the game. Thoughts like, “I hope this works out,” or, “It’s crucial that I achieve this,” dominate the mind.

There’s a palpable weight attached to the consequences of not meeting certain benchmarks. This type of attachment, especially with results, has a direct inverse relation with one’s ability to experience genuine living. It’s unhealthy, fostering a space where external validations define self-worth. We are more likely to get in our own way.

Being involved: On the other hand, being involved suggests a more balanced approach. While you’re still active and concerned, there isn’t the stifling weight of attachment to the outcome.

To provide a personal example, consider my relationship with my coaching clients. I am deeply involved, genuinely desiring to assist them. Yet, I don’t find myself invested in their personal outcomes in a way that ties my worth to their success.

Some call this detachment – many spiritual scriptures and philosophers have spoken about this.

So, what practical things can you start doing to ensure there’s greater separation between your living vs game of life.

5 Practical Tips to Differentiate Between Living and the Game of Life

1) Create space in the morning and evening for yourself: Dedicate specific times in the morning and evening to focus on your living regardless what how the external game is going. I.e. connecting with the happiness, joy, peace that already is innate within you.

For me, this is my morning breath work, meditation with a cup of coffee, and my gym workouts. I do this when times in my game are tough and when times a great. It’s one of my fundamentals (read more on this here).

By connecting with your own contentment and happiness, regardless of external situation, you are able to increase your living quotient for the joy of it.

Even though this week was tough for me (in terms of my game which includes my work and also my family life), what kept me going was a sense of inner peace in the morning and winding down in the evening.

2) Remember, you’re going to die one day: Regularly reflecting on the impermanence of life can lend perspective. While it may sound grim, considering our mortality serves as a humbling reminder. Most of the stuff you’re stressing about isn’t that important. It isn’t life and death. And no one, not even you, will care at the end of your life. This will take away 90% of “problems” your mind is creating for itself.

3) Actively work on your happiness: We hear happiness and joy already lies within us all day long. But no one talks about the active work it takes to connect with this. We sometimes judge ourselves thinking “I have everything I need to be happy, I should be happy, but I’m not” — you’re not because you’re not actively working on it. Have a mindset of “happiness requires active work”. So how can you work on it?

4) Appreciate: When I take out my dog in the morning my ritual is to feel appreciation. Actively. Sometimes I don’t feel like it. But once I start (sometimes forcefully), I go on a rampage. Appreciating how my life is a miracle, appreciating the fact I am healthy, able to walk, able to work from home and be with my family, to have food in the fridge and money in the bank. There’s so much you can appreciate. Make it a game. If you have kids, play the game with them. They are better at it than you are.

5) Reflect, where am I taking it all too seriously? If you’re anything like me you get caught up in the game easily. You find yourself taking yourself and life seriously. When actually, this life can be fun. Your game can be fun. Fun is what makes us happy. Fun is when we are living well and have the perspective that our game is a game. Fun is when we succeed the most. Where are you sucking the fun out of it all?

Reflection points:

Would love to hear your reflections. The more you share with me, and others, the greater transformation for you. Comment below or reply to this email.

P.S when you’re ready, here are 3 ways I can support you on your journey of personal and professional transformation: